Attractive Distraction

Grant me distraction,
not attraction, for
it asks to yearn,
but former just sojourn.

Emotions and feelings
not to confine.
A trance wherein
everything is fine.

For attractions have hope.
Distractions simply cope.

Distractions have denial
Attraction acceptance.
The former mirages perfection,
Attraction expectations.

For attractions etched
permanent.
But distractions
evanescent.

A zone where attraction
is no distraction.
A zone where distraction
is no attraction.

Permit my presence
in that zone
So I allow absence,
of my own.

~Medhavi

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Hello Struggle!

It took me good amount of time to understand that “struggle” doesn’t only means walking barefooted under the scorching heat without an umbrella or studying at night under a street light.

Struggle is a simple word with simpler meaning and occurs with simplest of the things.

But who said dealing with simple things was easy? Struggling with simplest of the things is worse.
A thing as simple as trying to smile for a photograph when you have a mouth ulcer or tying your hair when you have just applied the nailpaint or wearing shoes when you already have a shoebite doesn’t really sound a big deal.
But. Ever struggled doing it ? Eh !!

But then, struggle makes you to fight.
With yourself.
When you fight with yourself, you become mature. And with maturity, you become better.
When you become better, you surprise yourself.
Doesn’t everyone love surprises ?
~Medhavi

VOID

You know that void in your heart. The void which is numb even after buying the most expensive brand. The void which is feeling-less even after getting some multi crore(s) job or buying Mercedes or getting to meet your celebrity crush . The void which remains a void even after scoring some out-of- the-world marks in the subject that is hated the most. The void which remains unaffected by the butterflies that are felt while furtive glancing your crush, no matter the heart starts to race at 720 beats per minute !
The void which is still a void even after writing a mind blowing blog and the praises pouring from all around or having close to million followers on Twitter.

Yes , that very void.
No matter whatsoever is achieved, the void remains a void and you cannot avoid it.

An. Abyss. Void.

STATELESSNESS

You know that kind of mental state that occurs only when you are surrounded by people. When there is so much going around you, so much which may or may not be related to you even remotely, still that affects you. You do smile but the smile never reach your eyes. Sometimes you smile in contempt, not realizing that you smile at your own agony.

All those poems and articles you write unknowingly ends up in ‘sad’ category despite their starting being a happy one.

All the cheerful and happy faces that surrounds you, you can very easily see the camouflaged sadness of their faces and a tear tends to trickle down from corner of your eyes for all the sad and suffering of people and eventually the world. Not knowing you wail at your own miserable state. You try to help people, thinking, by helping them you would be able to save yourself.

The confidence and charm that you once used to be your forte like a boss has now reduced to ashes and the worst part you don’t see care anymore about your being ultra-under-confident. You could never notice at what instance you gave up fighting, forget bad even for the good.

You are already engrossed with the trivial insecurities and then suddenly someone asks you of your pain and thus the very foundation of your own self is collapsed and flashing before eyes is your past, your conflicting past-self, your favourite people and your present self is unable to decide who on earth forced you into such mental state.
The people who meant the world to you?
The surroundings?
You yourself?
-Medhavi

Momma nature

After thunderstorm when the trees grow quiet, sky turns silent and rivers slow down; chirping of birds is again melodic, humming of insects is loud enough and rustling of leaves is tuned, the streak of moon is visible as a pastel and the darkness is enough to engulf us, we would sit at sea shore and discuss the aptness of words we used to describe sailors and rowing of boats in our poems. We would discuss how royal the purple is? We would try to give names to the myriad shapes those leaves carve . We would try to differentiate between the greens of countless trees around. We would discuss about those infinities that are bigger than few infinities. We would laugh at the nothingness of our efficacies when glanced upon from the zenith. We would gaze at the stars and try to count as many as we can and then, after losing to mother nature, we would try to locate our favorites in those brightest of the stars.

We would inhale the serenity.
We would exhale ourselves.

Because Men!

A man who doesn’t smoke or drink just because it’s cool .
A reader and a writer would be a serious turn ON !
And I have next level respect for guys into sports.

I would listen to him carefully if he shares his insecurities or even accepting that he is afraid or tired of being strong because he HAS to. Judging him just because he could be weak at times would never be happening.

And if he had a bad day I would be more than happy to give him a shoulder to cry on without any second thought.

But monologues are a serious NO NO.

There’s something endearing about the guys who touch elders feet out of genuine respect not because of necessity.

Tell me you are fond of writing letters (on paper ! ) and can play with my hair, and I would already be melting .

Stubble is Love !
(Pink) white feet are absolutely worth a stare! Call it a guilty pleasure!!
Ruffled hair palpitates my heart.
Half tucked in shirt…oh ! I so love.
Jaw lines would be an added advantage, though not necessary!

And I wouldn’t mind describing the beauty of your eyes in my poems if they are brown.

And then, men who can cook are sexy forever!

Rakshabandhan

This Rakshabandhan, tie a Rakhi to yourself. For all the times you saved yourself. For the countless instances you somehow managed those unbearable palpitations.
For the numerous times you handled those panic attacks, on your own. For those nights when, despite being tired, anxiety did not let you sleep. For those mornings when you woke up feeling uneasy. For the times, you acted sober despite being tired of trying to calm your mind off. For those times when it took you days to build that little confidence which lasted for a very little time.

This Rakshabandhan, understand that there would be times when only you would be your own savior.
This Rakshabandhan, celebrate yourself !
~Medhavi

#latepost

Adult kid

‌Oh adulthood …

That feeling of being betrayed by yourself. Oh !

Because reality is so different from what we are taught in school and Colleges. It’s no less than a cultural shock when a cute chubby guy, a student till yesterday suddenly starts earning today and is being called a Man ! What ? Student till yesterday and all of a sudden the world is calling him a Man ? Where did all talks of assignments and last submission date go? And Newton’s second law? The professor was ready to teach you again! It was just a few days back when that nerdy, first bencher every teacher’s favourite roll no 14 taught you these stuff and you were waiting to fill extra 4 pages of supplementary sheet just to fetch those additional 3 marks to pass ‘grace’fully.

And everybody around you now is talking about money, taxes and savings. How loan would be sanctioned and how the EMI would be calculated. The down payments, credit card bills, payback points and mutual fund investments.

And you are only waiting to apply the solution of third degree polynomial equation in real life! Or someone to pat your back because you were the only student in the class of 54 students who knew the answer to the question What is known as powerhouse of cell? Mitochondria!

Oh adulthood! :-/

The Question !

Great are the questions people ask.

Well, why talk about people when we in ourselves can deal with ‘THE Great Questions’ !

How it happens that a question floats unexpectedly into our mind and we know in an instant that this is an errand that would detain us for the rest of our life.

It might question your existence or can make it easy as well.

Yes, definitely there are questions that aren’t meant to be answered and sometimes a mere thought or hint of its answer leads to cobweb of all possible explanations or a whole lot of series of questions in which once caught, untangling becomes awfully hard.

Not all questions can be answered nor should be. They possess tendency to annihilate our essence and presence.
And we being the species who search for the right and exact word to answer a question, express a feeling, fear, ecstasy or intensity of sadness, we tend to ignore the question and try to move on.

That, upto a certain level seems okay and acceptable but deep inside our heart we know that these questions will keep flashing in front of our eyes, no matter if we are busy dreaming, even lucidly, or we are dealing with happiness, sadness or anxiety. They won’t leave even while watching our favourite series or Wimbledon finals. And, not to forget, you just can’t ignore them while taking a shower. In illusion, in delusion they are always there. Around your head. Buzzing like a swarm of bees. Wanting to be dealt. At once. Forever.

But, then again, knowing that finding proper answer is next to impossible we try to chuck them off knowingly or unknowingly thinking that they would stop irritating us or we ourselves would stop bothering about them, one fine day (which never really comes).

Though subtly we do convince and prepare ourselves to accept the questions and then they appear. Right in front. We stumble. We fumble. We fall. We understand. We understand that we never really are or will be fully prepared to face those questions. Forget about the answers.

Pondering over such questions becomes a hobby.
Avoiding them becomes a habit.
Hiding from those defenceless questions become comfort zone.
And well,
Facing the questions was never the question !

Somebody has put it so aptly that perhaps the biggest answers aren’t in response to the questions but only to an appreciation of the mystery of the question itself.
~Medhavi

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